Dear Krypto,
I recently attended a screening of your cinematic appearance in Superman. I dressed appropriately (the Tiffany blue collar, naturally), settled into a reclining seat with a duck confit popcorn (air-popped, no butter), and was quite looking forward to seeing a fellow canine uphold the noble traditions of dog hood on the big screen.
Imagine my horror.
You destroyed priceless technology. You refused basic commands. You sprinted about the Fortress of Solitude as though it were an off-lead dog park in Preston. One cannot help but ask: where was your training? Your discipline? Your manners?
I understand, of course, that you are a being of considerable power, and that such strength may tempt one to chaos. But good dogs – great dogs – do not confuse ability with licence. We are not squirrels, dear boy.
May I recommend a return to some gentlemanly manners. I’m sure even Supergirl would appreciate a little less carnage and a little more impulse control.
As a standard poodle, I take pride in being meticulously behaved. I help run a communications agency, attend meetings, and have never once eaten a USB cord. I am told I am “a good colleague” and “a gentle presence”. These are titles I wear with pride.
You, too, could be a well-mannered boy, Krypto. But only if you choose it.
Yours in civility,
Louis
Culture Manager,
Pesel & Carr
